Thunderous Thoughts: Everyone is bad

Welcome to Thunderous Thoughts, your weekly look at the OKC Thunder where things look bad for everyone in the West.

The OKC Thunder are depressingly mediocre. They can barely beat bad teams and are picked apart by good teams. Russell Westbrook looks like early season Westbrook. Paul George forgot how to shoot from three. Carmelo Anthony still can’t wear his hoodie during games. Steven Adams doesn’t actually exist. Corey Brewer has a nice headband.

There is some good news, Thunder fans.

Every other team at the bottom of the West is depressingly mediocre as well.

Minnesota Timberwolves

They just signed Derrick Rose. Everyone in the world knows Derrick Rose hasn’t been the same since his ACL tear. Except Tom Thibodeau. Thank the Lord for Tom Thibodeau. In an effort to improve their defense, Tom Thibodeau really went out and signed Derrick Rose.

Here’s the best thing about Derrick Rose in 2018: He’s not on the Thunder. He’s on a direct rival competing for that final playoff spot.

Here’s the great thing about Derrick Rose in 2018: He still thinks he’s great. He still thinks he’s MVP Rose. And Thibodeau thanks the same thing as well. Why else would you sign the guy? You think the Oklahoma City bench is bad? The Wolves are about to bring Rose and Jamal Crawford as their main two players off the bench. They can score. I’ll give them that. It might take them four-five tries to score and they will give up eight-ten points on the other end. But they can score.

Without Jimmy Butler, the Timberwolves are a worse version of last years team. And they just added Derrick Rose.

San Antonio Spurs

It’s happening. Maybe. But it’s definitely happening. The Spurs are finally old. After being old for the last five years, they are finally old. Maybe. But definitely.

If Kawhi Leonard returns and looks like 70 percent of the Kawhi Leonard that made LeBron James curse his existence in the Finals, then the Spurs are a problem. They’re still a problem because Popovich Forever. They are a bigger problem with any version of Kawhi.

But they’re finally old. Maybe.

Denver Nuggets

They have ten of their last 17 games on the road. They are 11-20 on the road this season.

You know how the Thunder are down two with like six minutes left in the game, they’re on a nice 8-2 run, and they just got a big spot? And you know how Russell Westbrook always jacks up a three five seconds into the shot clock in those moments? That’s Michael Malone in every late game situation.

More from Thunderous Intentions

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• 3 OKC Thunder players who can step up in Aleksej Pokusevski’s absence
• Aleksej Pokusevski sidelined approximately 6 weeks with ankle injury
• Damian Lillard does not fit with the OKC Thunder

They just lost to the Mavericks where Malone benched Nikola Jokic and Jamal Murray in the fourth quarter. The Thunder may not look impressive against the Mavericks. But at least they beat the Mavericks.

Los Angeles Clippers

Chris Paul will get hurt as usual.

Wait.

Blake Griffin will get hurt as usual.

Ummmm.

The Clippers might be sort of be decent?

Doc Rivers is still their coach and Austin Rivers is playing 30 minutes a night.

There we go.

New Orleans Pelicans

Anthony Davis is superhuman and no slander of The Brow is allowed. But if he’s out for extended time. They are sunk.

Utah Jazz

This is the story of Bugs Bunny and Filburt. They get into an argument over what kind of species Rocco is. He’s a wallaby. But Bugs Bunny thinks he’s a kangaroo. Why does Bugs Bunny think this even though all the evidence says that Rocko is a wallaby? I don’t know, why does Patrick Patterson play less than 20 minutes a game? Why does Terrance Ferguson play more than Alex Abrines? Billy Donovan is coaching Bugs Bunny. That’s why Bugs Bunny thinks Rocko is a kangaroo.

To settle this argument. Bugs and Filburt agree to a race. Bugs jumps out to a big lead. He’s up, let’s say, eight miles on Filburt. Not only is he up eight miles, but there are little checkpoints throughout the race. Bugs Bunny has won three of the four checkpoints.

There is no way Bugs Bunny loses this race, right?

Disaster strikes. Bugs ruptures his patella tendon. For rabbits, the patella tendon is in the ear. Don’t question me. Rupturing your ear patella tendon should not matter in a race, but for some reason, this cripples Bugs. He grinds to a halt. Filburt starts to slowly creep up on him.

Next: All-time Thunder top scorers

There is some good news for Bugs. He doesn’t have to win this race. All he has to do is tie. Because he won three of four checkpoints, he would win in the case of a tie.

You can do this Bugs. You still have four working legs.