Russell Westbrook Season Review: Twice in a lifetime

The Shoe Game:

Well, look, Russ, you want to know “why not?” There’s a perfectly valid reason: you simply don’t have the time. You have a loving, beautiful wife at home, with an absurdly athletic baby waiting with her. You’ve spent so much time being an unstoppable avalanche of incisors and fingernails this season, it hardly seems like you could have taken any time to seriously come up with this shoe pattern, let alone any others.

Okay, fine. It seemed like it couldn’t get any more colorful than that first pair, but the Thunder’s colors do lend themselves to a certain amount of eccentricity. But at least this Rasta look has to be the wildest one – it really matches your carefree attitude, Russ, but next let’s go with something tame.

Oh, come now, Russ! Picasso died before you were even born! Is this some elaborate prank? Obviously it’s an abstract analogy for the fractured reality of the NBA star’s lifestyle, rooted in the solid colors of your family life, but for real, Russ, we’re all just here to see neat shoes.

Hold the phone, these ones don’t even match!