The Definitive Changing Of Every NBA Logo
According to Grantland’s Zach Lowe, the Oklahoma City Thunder has the worst logo in the league while the Chicago Bulls have the best. Now, this is only one man’s opinion and shouldn’t be taken as the final authority on logos even if the title of his article is “The Definitive NBA Logo Rankings.” The OKC Thunder logo isn’t great, but are there really any cool logos in the NBA? Nope. They’re all equally bad. Let me explain.
Every single logo in sports is pretty simple. It’s team colors, the team name, and maybe some picture of your team name that you can find on clip art. Alter your clip art picture a little to make it look mean because SPORTS ARE SERIOUS and there you have it, a logo.
It’s all so boring.
Instead of presenting the New Definitive NBA Logo rankings, I’m going to fix every logo in the NBA so that they’re all so equally awesome that you couldn’t possibly make a list ranking them.
Chicago Bulls: Michael Jordan. Pick any picture you want of him in a Bulls uniform. In fact, change pictures every month. You think the scowling bull is intimidating? Imagine seeing the greatest basketball player in history every time you see the Bulls on your schedule, knowing that you’ll never be that good. Now that’s intimidating.
Charlotte Hornets: Michael Jordan getting stung by a swarm of hornets. Pretty simple, if a group of real live hornets can do that to the greatest basketball player in history, imagine what a group of fake hornets who get their paycheck signed by Michael Jordan can do to you on the court.
Miami Heat: Fans leaving the arena before the game is over. It’s still cool to make fun of them for that, right?
Milwaukee Bucks: A picture of Jadakiss with the lyric, “I’mma get Bucks in Milwaukee cause like Sam, I Cassell.” Sports references in rap are a dime a dozen, but very few rappers mention the Bucks or Cassell because, let’s face it, no one really cares about either. So the team should embrace the fact that a top rapper like Jadakiss decided to mention them.
Memphis Grizzlies: Marc Cohn with his arm around a grizzly. “Walking In Memphis” is one of the most underrated songs in history. Marc Cohn deserves some love.
Boston Celtics: 17 rings. Pretty self explanatory.
Portland Trail Blazers: Clyde Drexler smoking a joint. The most famous Blazer, blazing up. (Editor’s Note: Not Bill Walton?? At least I can picture him smoking it…)
Toronto Raptors: Drake holding the severed head of Meek Mill. If only the basketball team could do that to opponents.
Philadelphia 76ers: 76 ping pong balls. #WeBelieveInHinkie
Golden State Warriors: Uncle Jesse holding a basketball. The only person who can shoot better than Steph Curry is Uncle Jesse from his sweet spot.
Atlanta Hawks: Dikembe Mutombo’s finger. NOT TODAY!
San Antonio Spurs: A picture of Gregg Popovich in robot form. Everyone says that the Spurs are “emotionless robots” so they may as well embrace it.
Indiana Pacers: That iconic photo of Reggie Miller “choking.” Seriously, name me five better pictures in NBA history. You can’t.
New Orleans Pelicans: An actual Pelican in New Orleans. And I want a live shot, not a photoshop.
Los Angeles Lakers: They can’t afford a new logo due to Kobe’s contract. Better luck next year.
Houston Rockets: A picture of Steve Francis. He is “The Franchise” after all.
Brooklyn Nets: A net covered in gravy. “The Nets could go 0-82 and I look at you like this (edited) gravy.”
Phoenix Suns: An image of the sun with Charles Barkley’s face in it. You know how the Teletubbies had the sun with the baby in it? Just imagine that, but it’s Charles Barkley.
Orlando Magic: A bunch of people gathered together. Get it?
Cleveland Cavaliers: Nick Gilbert. Because this kid always seems to bring them good luck.
Washington Wizards: Harry Potter, Gandalf, The Crimson King, Merlin, and Gargamel. Five famous wizards.
Utah Jazz: They don’t deserve a new logo until they trade the name to New Orleans.
Dallas Mavericks: That picture of Dirk Nowitzki, Steve Nash, and Mark Cuban as cowboys. Because we should never forget.
Sacramento Kings: Joffrey Baratheon. To ensure that they are the most hated team in the league.
Denver Nuggets: Chicken nuggets in the shape of a basketball. If you google image “nuggets” the first 45 results are of chicken nuggets.
New York Knicks: A sweaty Spike Lee. Combining the most famous Knick with their most famous fan.
Minnesota Timberwolves: An unprocessed wolf. A literal timber wolf.
Detroit Pistons: The Bad Boy Pistons. Just as a reminder of how soft the league has become.
Los Angeles Clippers: DeAndre Jordan. I’m pretty sure this was promised to him when he re-signed with the team.
Oklahoma City Thunder: Kevin Durant. PLEASE STAY!
[nextpost teaser=”Top 5 Small Forwards in OKC History” url=”https://thunderousintentions.com/2015/09/09/top-5-small-forwards-okc-thunder-history/”]
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